Monday, July 15, 2013

A Thousand Years

I've never really been a big "music person." I listen to it while I'm rocking Hazel to sleep and while I workout and sometimes when I'm in the car. 

But this song. 

I am slightly obsessed with it. 
When I hear it, I think of my husband, obviously... but more so lately, I think of my children.

The past couple of days the baby has been moving like crazy. It has made me fall head over heels. So yesterday, when I was rocking Hazel, this song came on my Pandora and I just started crying. 
How did I get so lucky? I was sitting here in MY house, rocking my first born while my second was squirming away in my belly, and having my husband by my side. Blame pregnancy hormones but I just can't help it. 

I want this song playing while I'm in labor. My favorite lyrics...

"I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more. 
Time stands still. Beauty in all she is. I will be brave. I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me. Every breath. Every hour has come to this."

I hate that Twilight ruined that song for most people. It is such a beautiful song and all of the lyrics hit home. 

I have always thought that I wasn't good enough to be a mother. That I didn't deserve it. After all my screw ups in my life... How did God chose ME to be a mother to not only one beautiful child, but now I'm waiting for another? Sometimes it's too much to think about. How am I worthy? For the rest of these children's lives they are going to look up to me and call me "mom." I am their protector, the person they run to when they are scared or happy or mad. 

When I think of my mother... how can I ever be the mother she is? How can I live up to that? I have so many doubts. 

But then I look at Hazel and the light in her eyes when she looks at me and I know that for the first time in my life I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. 

I'm her mom. 
And that's all that matters. 
This is all that matters. 


  1. That is such a great way to think of that song! That song breaks my heart when it comes on and I usually cry through the whole thing, but now I will think of Addy when I sing it! Love you! xxoo

  2. Thanks for making this girl cry this morning! Beautiful!!!

  3. I have moments like this all the time! I think it is what keeps me in check, and self reflecting is always a good idea! I adore that song. In fact I walked down the aisle to it when we finally had our wedding/vowel renewal last year. Well, it was actually the Piano Guys version of the song so that no one linked it to Twilight.