A Thousand Years

I've never really been a big "music person." I listen to it while I'm rocking Hazel to sleep and while I workout and sometimes when I'm in the car. 

But this song. 

I am slightly obsessed with it. 

When I hear it, I think of my husband, obviously... but more so lately, I think of my children.

The past couple of days the baby has been moving like crazy. It has made me fall head over heels. So yesterday, when I was rocking Hazel, this song came on my Pandora and I just started crying. 

How did I get so lucky? I was sitting here in MY house, rocking my first born while my second was squirming away in my belly, and having my husband by my side. Blame pregnancy hormones but I just can't help it. 

I want this song playing while I'm in labor. My favorite lyrics...

"I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more. 

Time stands still. Beauty in all she is. I will be brave. I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me. Every breath. Every hour has come to this."

I hate that Twilight ruined that song for most people. It is such a beautiful song and all of the lyrics hit home. 

I have always thought that I wasn't good enough to be a mother. That I didn't deserve it. After all my screw ups in my life... How did God chose ME to be a mother to not only one beautiful child, but now I'm waiting for another? Sometimes it's too much to think about. How am I worthy? For the rest of these children's lives they are going to look up to me and call me "mom." I am their protector, the person they run to when they are scared or happy or mad. 

When I think of my mother... how can I ever be the mother she is? How can I live up to that? I have so many doubts. 

But then I look at Hazel and the light in her eyes when she looks at me and I know that for the first time in my life I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. 

I'm her mom. 

And that's all that matters. 
This is all that matters.