Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The post I didn't want to write.

I'm hoping if I type this all out that I can make sense of what's in my head. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. 


 So as you all know, on Thanksgiving my sweet puppy, Callie, got an injury that caused her back legs to become paralyzed. Since then she has gained back some of her leg strength but she still can't go up and down stairs or run around like she used to. She can't control her bladder and so it just comes out. Everywhere. She hasn't made any improvements since around January so I think this is as good as it's going to get. My sweet girl can't even play. She can't go outside. And she pees and poops everywhere and then gets embarrassed and tries to eat it so that I don't find it. It's so awful.

I am so torn on what to do. 


She isn't in any pain (that we know of... she doesn't yelp or anything). But our house has 2 flights of stairs and stairs to get down to the backyard, so I literally have to carry her everywhere. She is only 2 years old. Dachshunds live to be to be 14-17 years old so that's a long time for us to have a cripple puppy who can't control her bladder and can't really get around good. We're hopefully going to be expanding our family soon and there is no way I could have a newborn and a cripple puppy. She is basically like a newborn because she needs constant care.  Every time we have company over she pee's either all of the floor or all over them because she gets so excited. So that is a negative. The whole issue here is whether or not we should put her down. Is her quality of life good? I would say no. She can't play, she can't jump up, she can't run around outside like she used to love to do, she can't even sit in her favorite spot on the back of the sofa where the sun hits in the afternoon because she can't get up there. I can't take her anywhere so she never leaves the house. Is that a good life for her? I don't think so. But I am selfish. I love her more than words. She is my soul mate. I have never been so attached to a dog before. I can't imagine coming home and her not being there. So can I be the one who makes the decision to end her life? I don't know. I don't know if I could over come the guilt I am going to feel if that is the decision we have to make. But I also need to think of the future. Hazel loves to play with her and is constantly asking to take her on a walk. We can't do that. And since the injury she has been more ornery than normal. When Hazel tries to play with her Callie just looks up at me and is like "what is this child doing, mom?"  She has no will to play. I don't want to think of her as a burden. I used to love taking her on walks and can I really live the rest of her life and not be able to take her on a walk? What if we get another dog and I take that dog for a walk and can't take Callie? That isn't fair to her! She just doesn't seem as happy as she used to. She isn't as lively and happy like she was... She just seems sad. 



I know that the best decision for Callie is to put her down. She will be in a better place in Heaven where she can run and play and wait for me... But I am selfish and want to keep her here. 


Can you see how torn I am? 
I was hoping that this would make the decision for me but I feel even more confused. 

13 comments:

  1. I hate this. I can't even imagine how sad you feel! My fiance has a dachshund actually, and he is in love with her! She's something like 17 years old though, so she's definitely nearing the end of her life. I actually just asked him a few days ago what would happen to him if she wasn't around anymore, and he got real serious and just simply said, "I would be so sad." My own dog is a peka-poo, and she's 9 or 10, so she's pretty old too. And I would be devastated if I had to make a decision about her like you do! That's no fun at all, and it sucks that it has to happen. I think I would have a harder time watching her not enjoy life and being a different version of herself, as opposed to living without her. You're right - it's not fair for her. (I just rambled a lot...sorry...)

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  2. We have been talking about this a lot, so I am just going to offer you huge hugs right now. ,y heart goes out to you and your sweet puppy.

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  3. Oh sweetie. Thats so awful, it sounds like your giving her the best life she can have, but I understand your confusion. For me, I think I would make the decision to put her down but that my be easier for me to say because I'm not in that situation. I do have a dog and always had dogs growing up, so I'm trying to put myself in that situation. I believe what it comes to is what you think is best for her. So sorry your faced with that decision.

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  4. hugs and prayers for the guidance you need in this situation. I hate saying that I have been there, but I have. a few times too many. the decision is hard but I totally understand the selfish feeling.

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  5. Oh, my heart just aches reading this :( This is a hard decision you have to make, but as her puppy mommy, you know what's best. Sending you prayers!

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  6. Such a hard decision, and sadly have been down that road too many times. Sending prayers and hugs your way during this difficult time.

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  7. I have no idea what I would do..what a tough decision. All I can do is send you good vibes and hope you make a decision that works best for both you and Callie! much love. x

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  8. You know what is best for her, and you just have to trust your instincts! Sorry!

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  9. It sounds you already know the answer, as hard as it may be. Prayers for you in this difficult time.

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  10. Its a decision that is to close to my heart. A few years back David and I got our first dog together. A solid black German shepherd. We got him at 8 weeks old. Right at 1 year old he got very sick. We took him to the vet and it was discovered his intestines were folding up and digesting themselves. So we opted to do surgery. This was our baby. He was Davids best friend and protector. Many days went by and finally he was stable enough to go home. I stayed up all night with him taking care of his needs. Unfortunately his stitches did not hold and he became septic. We could take him to UGA and spend a whole lot of money to try to fix him. He would never have a normal life again but he would be alive. The money was not what made our decision. If we were guaranteed he would be himself again we would have spent all of our money. unfortunately he would be very very limited in his daily activities. We had to make the decision to say goodbye. Not a day goes by i don't think of him. As hard as it was I still believe it was the best decision we could have made. Only you and Jonathan can make the decision. I'm sorry you have to go through all this. I truly know how you feel.

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  11. This makes my heart hurt, I'm so sorry you and Callie are going through this. I can't imagine being in your situation but when we first go Cinnamon we also had taken in her brother, Tank too. They were both just weeks old and just puppies. We loved them both and then we found out that Tank had parvo, we weren't able to catch it in time but when Cinnamon started showing symptoms we knew and took her straight to the doggy doctor. She was worth $1,000. We knew we had to save her. It's completely up to you and I totally realize that your situation is 100% different than ours was. I'll keep you and little Callie in my prayers!

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  12. I am sorry Kelly that you have to make this decision. Praying for peace whatever it might be.

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  13. Poor mama - my heart hurts for you - sending happy thoughts your way!

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