I'm hoping if I type this all out that I can make sense of what's in my head. Sorry if this doesn't make sense.
So as you all know, on Thanksgiving my sweet puppy, Callie, got an injury that caused her back legs to become paralyzed. Since then she has gained back some of her leg strength but she still can't go up and down stairs or run around like she used to. She can't control her bladder and so it just comes out. Everywhere. She hasn't made any improvements since around January so I think this is as good as it's going to get. My sweet girl can't even play. She can't go outside. And she pees and poops everywhere and then gets embarrassed and tries to eat it so that I don't find it. It's so awful.
I am so torn on what to do.
She isn't in any pain (that we know of... she doesn't yelp or anything). But our house has 2 flights of stairs and stairs to get down to the backyard, so I literally have to carry her everywhere. She is only 2 years old. Dachshunds live to be to be 14-17 years old so that's a long time for us to have a cripple puppy who can't control her bladder and can't really get around good. We're hopefully going to be expanding our family soon and there is no way I could have a newborn and a cripple puppy. She is basically like a newborn because she needs constant care. Every time we have company over she pee's either all of the floor or all over them because she gets so excited. So that is a negative. The whole issue here is whether or not we should put her down. Is her quality of life good? I would say no. She can't play, she can't jump up, she can't run around outside like she used to love to do, she can't even sit in her favorite spot on the back of the sofa where the sun hits in the afternoon because she can't get up there. I can't take her anywhere so she never leaves the house. Is that a good life for her? I don't think so. But I am selfish. I love her more than words. She is my soul mate. I have never been so attached to a dog before. I can't imagine coming home and her not being there. So can I be the one who makes the decision to end her life? I don't know. I don't know if I could over come the guilt I am going to feel if that is the decision we have to make. But I also need to think of the future. Hazel loves to play with her and is constantly asking to take her on a walk. We can't do that. And since the injury she has been more ornery than normal. When Hazel tries to play with her Callie just looks up at me and is like "what is this child doing, mom?" She has no will to play. I don't want to think of her as a burden. I used to love taking her on walks and can I really live the rest of her life and not be able to take her on a walk? What if we get another dog and I take that dog for a walk and can't take Callie? That isn't fair to her! She just doesn't seem as happy as she used to. She isn't as lively and happy like she was... She just seems sad.
I know that the best decision for Callie is to put her down. She will be in a better place in Heaven where she can run and play and wait for me... But I am selfish and want to keep her here.
Can you see how torn I am?
I was hoping that this would make the decision for me but I feel even more confused.